Hey, so, like Gywneth Paltrow’s last cookbook, I was on the waiting list at Monroe County Library just so that I can check it out and make fun of it. I was #18 on the list, and turns out it was so, so, totally worth it. Look at how bad her hair looks. Anyway, the “cookbook” she “wrote” yielded a questionable number of “recipes,” many of which had very few ingredients, many of which were things I learned to make after school (elementary school) when my mom wasn’t home to make a snack. They were also super duper “healthy.” And yea, here at Soups & Roots & Rants, we love healthy food, but not so much to the point of counter-functionality. The things her “doctor” restricts her from eating, for example: “no coffee, no alcohol, no dairy, no eggs, no sugar, no shellfish, no deepwater fish, no potatoes, no tomatoes, no bell pepper, no eggplant, no corn, no wheat, no meat, no soy, nothing processed at all.” The fuck? No tomatoes? Like, what can you “eat” then? This is the woman who brought us the delight of the “Oyster Po-Boy” in her last cookbook (which, I would like point out, is not only really gross, but is an oxymoron, as oysters are super fucking expensive, and Po’Boy is short for “Poor Boy”).
Because of her inclination toward boring, healthy “foods” with very few “ingredients,” we got lots more wonderful things like this “recipe” for avocado on toast: Perhaps you’d like a hard-boiled egg? Well this NY Times best-selling author has got you covered. Or there’s also this really cool recipe for wet almonds.
They’re vegan. And unless you’ve forgotten how to make popcorn: Here’s Goop on a Vespa, next to a cheesecake recipe. Very relevant. Gweggs. Alright, now that I’m done (not completely done) railing on Goop, I’d like to disclose with you that I did not find her cookbook totally useless. My friends across the street were real sick, and this recipe for a spicy sweet potato soup really caught my eye. I have altered it a little bit because I didn’t want to use chipotle pepper (it takes over everything), and I also had some Ras-al-Hanout from London that I wanted to get rid of. You should be able to find it in the bulk section of your local organic grocery store. Less spicy, more sweet. 2 T. olive oil
1 large red onion
2 garlic cloves
5 sprigs of cilantro
3/4 t. cumin
1 t. Ras-el-Hanout (galangal, rose petals, black peppercorns, ginger, cardamom, nigella, cayenne, allspice, lavender, cinnamon, cassia, coriander seeds, mace, nutmeg, cloves)
coarse sea salt
1/2 t. chili powder
2 large sweet potatoes (peeled & diced)
6 cups vegetable broth
Heat olive oil in a large stock pot, and then add onion, garlic, cilantro, cumin, and a heavy pinch of salt. Cook until the vegetables are softened, but not browned. Toss in the potatoes, chili powder, Ras-al-Hanout until the potatoes are evenly coated. Then pour in veggie broth and bring up to a boil. After it’s boiling, reduce the heat and simmer for at least 30 minutes. Once the potatoes are cooked, put it all in a blender. It’s all good. Serve with sour cream and a sprig of cilantro.
Gwyn is great at making recipes with 2 ingredients or less, but I here at Soups & Roots, we always try and bulk up our recipes to bring out the maximum spice level. Next time you’re cooking, think: What Would Gwyn Do? (WWGD) And then do the opposite of that.